Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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