thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
