just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
