I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
