Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
