mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
