I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
