i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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