I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do vagina's smell?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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