People in love make me want to vomit
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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