I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
