And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
