either way he was missing a nipple.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
