Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
