OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
