I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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