Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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