I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
