he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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