maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
