I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
