Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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