I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
