your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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