Capitaan dildo arrescate!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
