White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
