For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
