At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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