I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
