I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
