So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
