mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
