C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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