Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
