Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What happened to fro yo and sex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
