I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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