i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
