so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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