operation harelip BJ is a go
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
