Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
