The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
