I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
