I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So much rum. So many feels.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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