Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
