i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
