this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
