It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
