she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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