dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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