do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
