mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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