her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
