she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
