it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk is a universal language darling
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
