ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to make out with him forever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
