you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
