So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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