my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
