Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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